Sometimes, despite the fact that you've moved on, whether it's been months or years, there will always be moments when certain memories tend to haunt you. This can apply to any kind of broken relationship whether it's your lover, best friend, work buddy, anything because we humans have the tendency to form some kind of a bond with the people in our surroundings. What that bond further develops into depends on luck and a variety of other circumstances that life throws in our way.
Now why am I bringing this up? Well obviously because one such memory or let's say a bunch of memories have been materialising quiet frequently in the past few days and it was one of the main reasons as to why my mood was very much affected. This is something I didn't realise until now; I was in a pretty good mood after almost three whole days and then I played a song that randomly popped up in my newsfeed and it drastically affected my mood by making me recall certain memories. And that's when everything fell into place and it dawned upon me that I've been a grumpy cat for the past three days because my mind has been residing in different parts of my past.
I've been tormenting myself relentlessly by recalling certain moments; some happy and some sad. Some make me want to travel back to the past and freeze time, for they are so very precious, for they made me happy, for those are the moments were when I truly felt loved and treasured. And then there are moments that make me want to hunt down a potion that could erase away that particular fragment of memory, for they are so very painful, for they have made me shed an endless amount of tears, for they have broken my spirit and made me question everything that I ever believed in.
When such intense emotions swirl within your being, you end up feeling conflicted and when you try to conceal your emotions, you just end up being moody, at least that is how I end up. I honestly have no clue as to why my soul's been dragging me back to the past; is it trying to tell me something? Or is it just my mind playing tricks on me as it tries to drag me down a pit of depression? I don't know.
But certain memories of a number of broken friendships made me smile and hurt simultaneously for those bonds consisted entirely of happiness and laughter until the very end, when things took a nasty turn and everything ended on an ugly note. It's been more than a year since one such bond drew to an end and despite the fact that it was an extremely short lived friendship, it was one where I explored and experimented a lot of instances for the very first time ever and I truly was happy during that time.
I believe that regardless of how bitterly any bond concludes, we will always learn something from it and we will always have at least one memory that we can cling on to, a memory that has the potential to make us smile despite the million other ugly memories that arose from that bond.
I needed to write this down because now I think I get what my memories have been trying to tell me. Lately I had adapted this mindset to shut off everyone and not bother making any new friends because of the number of times I've got hurt due to all kinds of ways I've been abandoned. And then these memories started flooding my mind, which eventually led to me writing this post. Somewhere along writing these words, a part of me slowly began to understand that despite all the pain I've been through, all the tears that's flown down my cheeks, all the sleepless nights I've spent trying to think where I went wrong, despite all of this, there were moments when I was happy, moments that I spent laughing, moments where I learnt something new, moments where I loved and enjoyed life.
So just because a few people broke me, it shouldn't mean that I should shut everyone else off, right? Maybe I should give people another chance. Maybe. I don't know whether I'll be able to do that. But for now, it's a thought, it's a possibility.
Hope you are blessed with a ton of happy memories!
Oh and I was listening to this song while writing this. Came across it today & it's been on repeat. xD